Autism and university hell

2010-2012 University Hell

Year 1 Careleon 

University never really appealed to me when I left school. I wanted to be independent but in my own way. I was under a lot of stress, my parents divorced in the middle of my GCSEs and I had to live with my mother and her boyfriend. I saw my dad once a week for three hours and even then I was bored. I did have three voluntary jobs but I never got paid for them so I wanted to gain my independence in some way or another. 

My mother had been to university but my father hadn't and I'm pretty sure he couldn't careless whether I went or not. 

My mother was fine with me applying as long as I stayed in Wales. I applied for Newport to do a creative sound and music degree to see what it was like. I was offered a placement three days after my interview, it was quite stressful getting everything together but we managed in the end. Student finance had to be the most stressful application I have ever done in my life and it's so annoying you have to re apply the finance every year you go back. 

I arrived in Newport and settled down, although I'm not quite sure how cause I kept falling out of bed, banging myself into the wall of my flat mates would be up at all hours drunk and forgetting about everything that happened the following morning.

Now as you all know I am autistic and I put on my UCAS application form that I had social issues as well as mood swings and was diagnosed with autism. Everyone if you are reading this don't put your personal health issues down as the university will never read them. They all thought something was wrong with me. No one understood how I felt and a letter was sent through my university door from the Dean for a meeting and hearing whether I should be expelled or not. They even sent me to the doctor who then referred me to an asylum. My head was spinning, I had no support at all from anyone. I attended the Dean meeting and then went to my physiatrist who prescribed me with anti depressants. I wrote to the university to explain the situation and the accepted me back onto the course. I was still struggling big time as I was the only musician who was classically trained and I knew nothing about he digital world of music.

Year 2 Opal and City University 

Year one finished very quickly and I was ready for year two but this time it was going to be different. The music department was moving to the new University in Newport city centre itself and I was going to be staying in opal.

Where do I start with this? Opal is really expansive for what it is. The rooms are small, there's no privacy. I wasn't able to sleep at night because of my neighbours noise. I had no idea what they were doing in the early hours but I do know drugs were envolved, they broke our entrance door and the kitchen was a mess every time it was cleaned. I went downstairs to reception to complain I wasn't happy and nothing was done about it. One evening one of our flatmates was cleaning his bathroom and managed to over bleach with CilitBang and Stardrops. Luckily it wasn't that strong and he was ok but it was quite scary and was given the all clear by doctors. I hope he learnt his lesson.

My mediations were helping but that doesn't cure panic attacks and autism. Sadly the only friend I had on the course Richard had to leave university for personal reasons so I had no friends at all. 

As you can imagine my father never visited me or contacted me whilst I was in university for all the three years I was there. My mother Skyped me and came down for the day over the weekend to visit occasionally but my father never did.  I even sent him birthday gifts and a card and never heard anything back ... not even a simple thank you!

I didn't like the new university at all, there were no stores or bars and the elevators were clear glass which really scared me. 

Year 3 It gets worse

I decided in my final year not to live in opal after all the bad experiences I have had. I said to myself that this year was going to be the best year out of all three but unfortunately it wasn't. I moved to Cardiff and got the train into Newport whenever I needed to. Monday mornings were the worst, walking down the high street next to Wewtherspoons at 8am looking at seventy year olds getting drunk on wine and beer.

In all the three years of university I was never happy with my grades. I'm pretty sure they made me have bad grades deliberately because of my disabilities. I never got top marks in anything, I nearly failed my first and second years for no reason whatsoever all because I don't know how to record a song properly in the studio or design a HTML webpage and was told never to sing publicly ever again.

Third year final assignment I decided to do a video montage of Newport so I went round some areas and started to film footage, unfortunately I nearly ended up being arrested in a local mall. When I told them it was for my assignment they made me delete the footage off my phone if not I was going to be arrested.

I graduated with a 2-1 and should have got higher grades. I demand my grades to be remarked and will be suing the staff. When I returned home my father took me out for fish and chips and his partner at the time said her grandson had a first degree in everything. That really put me off but I was afraid to say anything.  All I got was a boring dinner from him for an hour before I was sent back home. I went back occasionally from Cardiff to visit but I was never happy so since 2012 I have stayed as far away as possible and I want nothing to do with them.

After all the three years of university I still have nightmares and suicidal thoughts but Mary is always here to look after me.